Coping

It's been over 2 & 1/2 months since Maddie Grace went to Heaven...at times I find myself crying more than ever and other times life is somewhat the "new" norm. You don't get over losing anyone in particular your child. I think it's the worst tragic pain possible because losing a child is so out of the norm. Children shouldn't die in the natural scheme of life before their parents. How does one cope and deal with this since the loss of a beautiful child? A piece of you is gone with the child along with your hopes and dreams of your child and of her future. Even though Maddie was special needs we had so much hope for her to excel at all that she was capable of doing...I was so excited to start our homeschooling program where she was doing so well the month of August. I am finding all kinds of materials and ideas that I had made, planned, and were going to try with her...it hurts that I won't be able to use these materials on her...it hurts so deeply not to see her big and contagious smiles. Maddie Moo Moo was nonverbal but she sure said a lot. I miss her tremendously and more than ever. We are living each day to day in our new normalcy but something is still out of place or missing. I'm not sure when this sense of longing or lose will ease up..only time will tell. Time...another word that I wish I could use to turn back the clock to when we had our girl with us. ..when she was so full of health and life. I am thankful for the 7 wonderful and blessed years that God had given her to us but the longing and ache that I feel for Maddie Grace is still ever so strong and constant. I think as parents we want to be able to protect our children, to nurture them and to be able to raise them to the fullest. All of this was out of our hand so it feels like something is wrong or misplace/out of place. Our family dynamic has changed to where before we had our three beautiful girls now just the oldest and the youngest, which we are so grateful for. I know God definitely gave us Elyssa to help us with our sorrow. Maddie and Elyssa were 6 years apart. Elyssa’s demanding personality makes us cater to her needs and not our own. She is so sweet at times and constantly says, “Mad, Mad”. (Elyssa’s nickname for Maddie. ) Marissa is also such a blessing. God planned her birth order accordingly because she was like a second mommy to Maddie. She helped Maddie and us in so many ways. Marissa is also one of the most compassionate girl that I know. We are so blessed for one another and our health. Our life will never ever be the same again but we have fond and loving memories of Madeline that we will cherish forever. The picture of our beautiful three was taken last February. Oh…my heartaches for the three of them together like this always.