Heart aches

Yesterday around 3ish, as Chris and I were moving Maddie from her wheelchair to her bed the Pediatric Hospice House, he says, "She's not breathing...". Her eyes were wide opened. Her chest had stopped showing the signs of her labored breathing. She then started taking short & shallow breathes. Chris called for Marissa and the nurses. Pam and the nurse came and Pam checked her feet. She quietly whispered, "I think...she's dying". Marissa started bawling and went to lay by her sweet sister. Elyssa wailed and one of the nurses took her to another room as we watch Maddie take her last breathes and beat her last heart beat. We cried and held her as we told her how much we loved her. I looked at her sweet face and see wet tear drops on the corner of her right eye. Oh, our beautiful girl we sigh.....At 3:30 pm on Tuesday, October 30, 2012, our daughter left this earthly world and went to heaven where she will no longer have seizures, pain, and discomfort. She is able to run, walk, play and dance now and do things that her body on earth could not do. Elyssa was also able to be with Maddie during her last few minutes, she cried and knew something was going on. Later on Elyssa would not go into Maddie's room or kiss her sister's body. At 17 months, she knew that her sister's soul had left already and only the cold beautiful form of our girl remained on the bed. Marissa cried and cried and she says a lot about how she misses Maddie. She also is quick to provide comfort to Chris or me when she sees us weeping. Seeing Maddie be taken off in the funeral home van was extremly hard, we all cried some more and held on to one another. Going to home to Maricopa without Maddie behind me in her carseat was hard. Chris drove in another car by himself. Arriving home to an empty house was even harder. Today, Wednesday is even harder. We went to the funeral home and made arrangements for our dear, darling girl. Even the funeral director had tears in his eyes as he had to order a child's casket. which is not so common. Everything is surreal and her presence is all around but our sweet girl is physically not with us. Our hearts ache so much that I never never knew that this much pain could exist. Big holes are in our hearts. Our bodies and guts feel so very empty. We miss her SO SO very much, Lord!!! The ache, the ache oh, how it hurts! The void, the void on how huge & monstrous it is!! 

Oh, Where Oh, Where can my Maddie be?

Oh, how my heart aches for my Madeline Grace
Oh, where oh where can my Maddie Grace be?
Is she hiding or looking down at me?
I've searched high and low in every place
Oh, where oh where can my Maddie be?
Is she somewhere over the rainbow way up high?
Or is she peeking at me through those big, white fluffy clouds?
Maybe she's the ray of sunshine shining on my face?
Did I search every place?
Is she that bright shining star that's twinkling and winking at me?
Oh, where oh where can my Maddie be?
I've searched east and west, north and south
Did I miss any place?
Is that butterfly fluttering by sending me a message from my sweet Madeline?
Oh, why oh why, can't I see my Maddie Grace
Will the birds look for me?
Oh, where oh where can my Maddie be?
She can be in only one place I think
Somewhere that I haven't been 
In a beautiful & glorious place..
Heaven at seven only make sense
With all my heart I believe,
Heaven is the only place my little Madeline can be.