A Day for Crying

Today was an extremely hard day, watching videos of Maddie and crying my heart out while waiting for Chris to finishing grocery shopping. Elyssa was sleeping in the car so I stayed in the car with her and looked through my phone's videos and pictures. In one of the videos, you can hear Maddie's sweet little murmurs. Oh, I miss her voice, her squeals...everything about her. Chris wanted to know what I wanted for Christmas and I really don't want anything. I thought time would help heal the heartaches but it seems some moments are so much harder than others. It's strange still not having her with us. Marissa said last night that sometime she thinks Maddie's spirit is with her and they watch movies and sleep together. There are so many families that have lost their children this year...too many....too much sadden and death. It breaks my heart each time I hear about another child's death. I look at the sky a lot dreamily and wishfully that I could get a glimpse of my sweet girl. How do I go on? It feels like I should have already be better...but when?