How we are coping

November 14, 2012 4:10 pm

This week has been very hard...I thought my tears were beginning to dry up but a teacher friend of mine at Marissa's school asked how I was doing and offered Her deepest sympathies. Tears welled rapidly in my eyes and I got very choked up as I tried to speak.  I had some dried hours but also some tearful ones. Lots of little things remind me of my darling girl. I love looking at her pictures which showed a dear girl who loved life, was full of life and always full of smiles for her photographer. She was such a strong little girl and fought with all of her might until her body became too weak from all the seizures.  We got a beautiful Azalea bonsai tree from my sweet friend, Melanie and her family in Georgia yesterday. Today, a group at Chris's work sent over a lovely orchid and another group sent fresh cut flowers and yellow roses. All these things of nature and beauty remind us how our girl was so beautiful. The man who delivered the flowers to my house smiled and said that he had just been here last week. I broke the news to him that the flowers were in memory of our daughter that had died at the young, young age of seven. He was very sad and offered his condolences. It's very hard at times but I know that I have to keep trekking along on this lonely road without my baby girl, my heart, my angel.  Sometimes the emptiness is so overwhelming and powerful that my knees get weak and I am unable to stand upright. I have to hold on to my faith and hope that one day I will be reunited with my Maddie Grace, my love, my life.

November 19, 2012

We, the four of us miss Maddie so. Even Elyssa the baby saw Maddie's pictures on Facebook and pointed to her sweet sister's face and called her, "Mad". This was the nickname she gave Maddie because she couldn't say Maddie’s whole name. She proceeded to give Maddie’s picture a kiss and then waved her hand bye-bye. Elyssa did this throughout the weekend when she would point and stare at Maddie's pictures. Marissa spent the night at a friend's house on Friday night and when she came home we cuddled in my bed and she stated how she missed Maddie so much and felt Maddie all around her including in our bed. Maddie's presence is all around us. I remember how her face would light up when I would come home from class or after running an errand. Maddie was not able to call us by our name because she was nonverbal but she recognized everyone around her and gave each person a special gesture or sound. I miss her sweet sounds of delights. The girls and I went out to eat with some friends and enjoyed the love and comfort our friends offered. Maddie was almost 50 lbs and was quite a load for me to carry in and out of bed but I did not mind her weight. I would have bore all her weight forever if I could have kept her forever. I know it will take time but the ache that we feel not having Maddie with us is so very deep and strong. Chris tries very hard to be the strong one in our family but last night he wept openly as we were going to bed. He’s such a wonderful father and husband to the girls and I. We know our lives will never be the same. The hole in our hearts will remain with us until we are reunited with Maddie again. The emptiness will be a great void for awhile but we know that Maddie is with God and as happy as can be...which is what we know according to our beliefs and faith.