Now a family of 4 instead of 5

I never knew Deep pain Could exist With the loss of our sweet child... could be As painful as this pain And the heartache that I'm Feeling right now. I'm going through some of her stuff and have been donating some of her items. It's very painful this loss of our sweet Maddie Grace. I am finding many hidden things of hers that I had kept over the years and even items that were in different little bags from trips to the hospital or trips to the stores. I wonder when this pain will start to lessen? Will it be tomorrow or the next day or next week next month or next year?

This past Thursday was the first Thanksgiving for us without our sweet Maddie. Thanksgiving was the first of many without her. Maddie had a feeding tube but we always tried to get her to test taste the gravy or mash potatoes. We miss her tight and loving neck squeezes and her sweet smiles. This week has been extremely difficult and I not sure when the pain will lessen.  On Black Friday, my sister, Sandy came to visit us from Missouri. She had originally booked a flight to help us with Elyssa and Marissa while Maddie would have been at the hospital for a 3-5 days EEG study. We had the study cancelled when she was put on hospice. Sandy's visit has brought us much comfort. I'm very blessed to have my 4 older siblings whom love my family and I so much. My older brother Tory and his 3 boys put a red rose at both Maddie's and Mom's graveside on Thanksgiving and promised to visit there regularly since she is buried so far away from us.

Sometimes I get very choked up when talking about Maddie. Friends and family have called with concerns and to offer comfort but I'm still having difficulties speaking to love ones over the phone. I don't really have much to say on anything. We are trying the best we can to survive without our sweet girl.  I find it very difficult to remember that we are now a family of 4 instead of 5. All I have is memories in my mind, heart and pictures of my sweet Maddie's beautiful and loving face.