I want that Happy Ending

The ache and longing for my daughter, Madeline Grace is still so strong. Often I am overcome with such grief that fills my whole body with overwhelming sorrow and despair. I had a dream about her last night one in where the doctors had told us that we had no hope then after an examination that she would have a chance to get better. I woke up with a realization that Maddie was no longer with us. Her life had ended too early at 7 years plus. Did Chris and I make a mistake in taking her to the Children's Hospital Labor Day weekend..where she did not get the compassionate and caring treatment from the neurologist covering that weekend...did she get the wrong meds...was it the coma? She fought so hard in the hospital and came out so full of sweetest and life. Physically she was different with being unable to hold herself or head up. In mid-August Maddie began having more seizures and sleeping more daily. This may have been her climax of her mysterious conditions. I can't blame any particular one thing or person. As a mom, I wanted to conquer that dragon for her...but i was helpless to fight the unknown battle. I know that Chris and I had made the best decision possible with what we knew for our family's situation at the time but it still ended up in a tragedy. I want that happy ending!! I know God is in control and master of all but it sure does hurt to NOT have our Maddie Moo around, to kiss and hold, to listen to her sweet voice, and see her movement so full of life. Her life was taken away too soon for us. I wish that I could turn back the clock to a year ago before all the hospitalizations. We all miss her so much even baby Elyssa at 18 mths often will take out Maddie's Photo album to look and kiss on her sister's pictures. She goes downstairs each day and points to Maddie's pictures. Her older sister, Marissa misses Maddie, and wants to name every doll or stuff animal Maddie. I'm not sure when it's suppose to get easier but sometimes I feel like that happy ending is only in the made up world of fairy tales. For those of you whom never suffered a loss of a child...hold on closely, love your child, enjoy each moment with your child, and be thankful that you have your child with you.

My daughter, Maddie Grace

I know is in a better place

My heart still grieves and her I deeply long

For my sweet child, I must be strong

Heaven I hope to meet again one day

My sweet child, I pray 

The loss I feel is so real

Sorrowful hearts and tears I must deal

Endless desire to have you in my loving arms 

My dear, Maddie always full of charms

I love you forever and ever, angel of mine

Sweetest Maddie with light that shine

Brightly In my heart 

Even if we are temporary apart